i wish i was better at telling people how i really feel.
New milestone: I think you care. But it’s only an assumption with little evidence. I am so remotely close to telling you how you have been occupying my whole mind since day x. It has been a whole lot of time and my efforts only prove to be wholly inadequate – therefore I cannot fully expect a tree to grow without a seed. I will divert my energy and attention to revamping this whole thing when the time is ripe, when this time of the year ends. I will not let the little things govern my actions.
In all honesty, this question has been wandering on my mind for weeks though I have already responded with a ‘yes’ in haste. I feel the need to say all of these because one thing’s for sure is that I truly regret saying ‘Yes’.
The answer is, no.
I believe that I am worth so much more than what I have been getting over the past years. I do not want to take a step back and bend myself over for someone that has put me through something I call Hell. I used to measure love in terms of duration, and that is wrong. Love sometimes can be more significant if we see it from a different POV; experience > duration. I never want to be put (again) in a position whereby I have to keep giving and not receiving anything in return. I don’t want to get my self-esteem hammered (again) and having to feel bad about being myself. This series of unfortunate events have made me stronger than I was in the past. And i am thankful that every single thing happens for a good reason. Perhaps in the future if/when our paths cross again, I will be more than proud than I am right now, that I did not choose you, and that i chose to not hang on to you. The choice to seize control of our lives is always ours.
I will not make mention of this whole issue again, because you are not worthy of my time and my effort. I just hope that there will, however come a day when you come across this post, and tell yourself how stupid you were, and perhaps, still are. Here’s to you, A.H.